What Have I Been Up To Lately?

To be honest? Not much. I was asking this question myself, “What have I been up to lately?” The reason was, that I got the feeling that I was not doing much. I did not feel productive. Like I was lazy?

A few weeks ago, I felt very productive. I did a lot of things and felt good about it. But these last two to three weeks were very slow. In the beginning, I did not notice it. Only in the second or third week, I suddenly did had the thought “What did I do these last few weeks?“. And my answer was “Not much“.

This was strange. I could not put my finger on it.

In the morning when I woke up, I had so many thoughts or ideas of things that I wanted to do that day. But at the end of the day, I did not do any of them. To be honest, the only thing I did for most of the day, was sitting behind the computer and browse. Brose Youtube, searching for interesting or nice videos. Now and then I found a new/nice channel and watched some videos from it.

Now when I think about it, I was searching for ideas. Tips and tricks for note-taking apps, how to find ideas to write about, and some “motivation speakers”.

And what was the result of all of that? Again, not much. Okay, I found some new channels with some interesting videos, but that was it. Further, not much useful.

March 3.

Those weeks I was not in the mood, no motivation, no energy, no inspiration. I did not write anything. Did not work on my scale model. And I did not watch any lessons on my no-code/low-code projects/ideas.

I could not figure out what was going on. Then, after March 3, I thought I had figured it out.

March 3 has a double meaning for me.

On March 3, it is our wedding anniversary. This year we are already 28 years married. This was something happy to look forward to.

But last year on March 3, my mother died. Because of COVID-19. Something that still comes back to me. Because of my health situation and COVID-19, I was not able to be with her in those final minutes. On some days, I have peace with it. And I am sure that she would have understood it. But on other days, I feel guilty about it. But again, I know she would understand it.

Maybe those last weeks, in the back of my mind, I was worried about how this day would go. Would we be happy and celebrate our anniversary. Or would we keep it simple and remember my mother. Would I feel guilty if we celebrated our anniversary?

I am sure, that my mother would like us to just do our things. We all had our own ideas about what we could do to remember her. For me, I have a small urn with her ashes, where you can put a tea light on it. So I had lit one tea light. I also had ON the light under her 3D photo that is carved in a crystal cube.

Later that day, we had invited my sister, my son, and his girlfriend, for a dinner. We all had a good time.

The Realization.

It was the day after that, that suddenly I was working on my scale model again. I also was busy a little bit with my no-code/low-code project. I did these things without thinking.

Only the second day, did I realize this whole situation. That I was doing more than what I did in the past weeks. It is not much more, but at least I was not sitting behind the computer most of the time. I was really doing something again.

I think, subconsciously, I was not looking forward to the day that was slowly coming.

The motivation and energy are not fully back yet. But as I mentioned, at least I am doing something again.

My writing is still something I am thinking about a lot. Mainly, the lack of ideas or things to write about. The inspiration. For now, my health is stable. Also because of the COVID-19 pandemic, things are slow. But I expect that in the coming weeks, I will have my checkup of the heart and pacemaker again.

I still have 3 possible blog posts, but they are still in “draft”. Maybe it is good if I will have a look at them again and maybe I could finish them. And who knows, maybe there is more inspiration coming from it.

My COVID-19 Worries.

The pandemic is still around us. Okay, the restrictions are lifted, but that doesn’t mean that the virus is gone. It is still there. The number of positive tested people is still high.

And people are still talking about new variants of the virus. I even had read several articles that may be the next variant will be stronger again.

Also in several articles, from different people and organizations, they are writing that this latest variant could cause heart problems after people have recovered from the virus. For people that already have heart problems, it could get worse. They are talking about inflammation of the heart muscle and the heart sac. In my case, this would not be so good. My heart is already “low in power”.

These things also make me think a lot. How careful you still need to be. But I also know, that no matter how careful you are, it can still infect you. But better be safe than sorrow. So for now, I am trying to avoid crowds. Avoid contact. Because you never know where, those people you meet, have been. With whom they have been in contact. Maybe they don’t feel sick or are sick, they can still carry the virus and spread it.

Closing.

So many things I am thinking about. I know some will say that I overthink things too much. But that is how I am. Maybe a bit too careful, but I need to think of my health. Right now, I still love my life and would like to enjoy it for a much longer time.

For my writing, I think this will take time. I need some inspiration. Something that tickles my mind and will itch my fingers. So if you don’t see much writing passing by, you know why.

For my no-code/low-code projects, I have some ideas. But the learning is slow. I switched to a different platform because I think it has more options and possibilities. But the learning will take time.

As my closing words, I would like to say; Please be careful, take care and stay safe. And please, don’t think only about yourself. Think also about the people around you.

God Bless