The Battle inside.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

The battle inside.

Due to the current Covid19 pandemic, my “health situation” is also “On-Hold”.
Doctors and hospitals are all busy and focused on this virus, so all appointments are canceled, for the time being.
So in other words, more time for other things.
More time to read, think, and write.

In our online local small church group, we were discussing this bible verse;
James 1:16-18 (NIV)
16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

The part that jumped out to me, was the first part of verse 17, “Every good and perfect gift is from above
When I had read this, my mind jumped in two directions.

My first thought was “Nice”
Followed by “Wait a moment”
So I brought this up in our discussion.
Because I have “double” thoughts about this.

Of course, it is always nice to hear that every good and perfect gift comes from above.
But how about my life, my health?
For me, this is not good.

From “Why” to “How”

I know that this is part of His plan for me.
But why?
And there was my “why” question again.
And I also know that this is a question that is impossible to answer now.
As someone in our group mentioned, that this question, only God can answer.
Our brains/minds are not able or capable of understanding the answer or reason.

As a believer, I understand verse 17 but in the back of my mind, that “why” question is also there.
That night and in the days after that, I was thinking about it and thinking about writing this post.

I think it was 2 days after our discussion, I was reading the daily devotional in my Bible app from Youversion.
Some time ago, they suddenly also had a daily devotional.
Including a verse of the day and a video.
Very nice.

In the devotional was written;
“One way we can tell that our faith is maturing through trials is when our “why” questions become “how” questions.
How are You going to use this in my life?
How will You impact others because of this trial?
How will You bring about good through this devastation?

And it also pointed to the bible verse;
Romans 8:28 (NIV)
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

A sign?

When I was reading this, for me it was a sign from the Lord.
That no matter how things are, they all work for the good for me/us.
We need to keep on having faith and trust in the Lord with what He is doing in our lives.

Even when I compare my life to that of Job.
I know, we should not compare our lives to that of others. but when I was reading the story of Job, I could relate to it.
And I am sure, I am not the only one.
But I also could see it as that the Lord is working in my life and He is busy building my character.
In preparation for things to come.

So to grow or show that we have grown, we should not ask the Lord “why” but we should ask it in a “how” question.
From “Why is this happening to me?
To “How is He using this in my life?

And sometimes I am also blaming my mind for these “why” questions.
It always is looking to find the reason why things happen.
My personal thought is, that this is still a leftover from my past.
In my work as an IT ServiceDesk worker, I had to figure out why things were happing and how to fix it.

During a revalidation session after my long stay in the hospital, the therapist told me, that I should not think about what I had to do, but just do it.
Don’t try to figure things out.
This is not easy but I am trying my best.
But now and then, I am still doing it.

Confirming Again and Again.

When reading a different daily devotional in my Bible app, the bible verse Isaiah 41:10 was mentioned in it.
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
This was the second time in maybe a week’s time.
(see my previous post; God is Good.)

A few days later, I was going through some daily verses in my Bible app.
I was looking for a verse that I could place on a Facebook page, where I am an admin.
And this vers popped out to me;
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Without thinking about it, I just placed it on the Facebook page.
Only when I had gone over it again to see if it was placed right, I suddenly saw it was the verse of Isaiah 41:10 again.
That is the third time in such a short period.

The Lord knows my thoughts, my struggles, and He is confirming and reminding me again.

Closing.

There is always a battle going on in you.
You read the verses and you know the promises that are made in these verse.
But in your mind there is that small voice that makes you doubt.

Or you keep on asking “why” (bad) things are happing to you.
Knowing, that no one is able to answer them.
Except for the Lord.

Now and then, the Lord will remind us that He is with us, looking over us and helping/guiding us.
For me, I cannot wait and see what else the Lord has to tell or show me.
I hope and pray, that it will be the same for you.

I would like to end with something that one of our Pastors had said during one of his preachings and that stuck with me.

Lord, remember me.

God Bless.

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