Reality Check!

(Revised/Updated on Aug. 19, 2020)

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

Reality Check!

Two days ago I had my intake for physiotherapy.
Or as they also call it “Heart Rehabilitation”

Today was the first time for me to join the group.
This will take place at the hospital where I had been before and where I am a regular “visitor” for all my checkups.

Right now, for me, it has something double/known to it.
When I had my first and second heart operation, after that you also will go through this heart rehabilitation.
It’s for something like 5 to 6 weeks and maybe twice a week, for 1 hour each time.
During this, you will do some exercises or gym games.
Just to get you back in shape.
But also to push you, to get to know your new limits, and push it a bit more.
Just to get the heart working again.

Now with this heart rehabilitation for people with heart failure, it is almost the same.
The difference now is, that they slow you down.
The main reason you do this is to get you a bit fit and maybe a bit more strength.
But also to get to know your new limit and to listen to your body.
To know when it is enough or too much.

Why this was a reality check for me?
Their advice was to slow it down.
Take my time.
They also explain it to me, in a different way.
At this moment my heart only has 1/5 – 1/6 or his original/old capacity.

If I keep on doing things the same as before, my body is asking too much of what the heart can supply to the body.
The result is tired quicker and longer.

Only after thinking about this the rest of the day and let it all sink in, I started slowly to realize what it is and what it means.
Already for several months, you hear almost the same thing, but maybe you just try to ignore it or it doesn’t get in.
But for some reason, today slowly I started to think about it or look at it differently.
It’s difficult to explain why suddenly now there is a click.

I know when I heard this the first time and let it sink in, it had hit me and made me feel a little bit down.
Not knowing what to do or what will happen.
But maybe now after all the medications change, the “upgrade” from the pacemaker and now the rehabilitation, maybe now you really need to think about, “What is next?” or maybe “And now?”
Or maybe you recognize things and know now why you feel certain things and what to do about it.

For example.
You do the shopping.
You come home.
Unpack everything and put it where things should be.
After that, it feels like your ok, nothing is wrong.
But it’s also like that you are a bit more “sensitive” to things.
Like tired quicker, it feels like no energy to do anything anymore.

They explain it to me like it is a battery.
Normally the battery is in the green zone.
When you are busy, it slowly moves to orange and later maybe to the red.
When you relax or rest, the battery will go back to the full green and you can go ahead again.

But right now, my battery cannot reach his full green charge.
And the orange and red are also smaller.
That means you go quicker from green to orange and red.
But the charging also will take longer.

This means that after for example shopping when you come home, rest for a few minutes.
Then when you feel ok, start unpacking.
But take your time.
There is no hurry.
So you should feel less “sensitive” after this.

And now?
How this will go further?
To be honest, no idea.
Right now, medications and time will tell how it will go.
If the heart will recover a bit.
(But it will never reach his old level again)
Or if it will be like this from now on.

I also think that a part of processing all of this is writing about it.
It is maybe some kind of therapy for me.
When writing, you also think of things or over things and sometimes suddenly “You see the light”

For now, I will end this post and see how it will go at the next checkup next week.

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