Disappointed & Discouraged.

As I already mentioned in my previous post, Not Expecting This, I had already started writing this post.
But as with a lot of things in life, not everything is always according to what we think or want.
So, I am combining the original post idea, with the current events.
Hence the title “Disappointed & Discouraged.”

It will be about being disappointed, being discouraged, and defeating discouragement.
The first title would have been “Defeating Discouragement”
This is because of a video I had watched of Pastor Rick Warren.
But I think it is nice to combine both.

Placing The Double J Catheter.

On October 8, 2020, I had the operation to place a new Double J catheter.
This was to release the pressure of the kidney, because of a blockage in the passage between the kidney and the bladder.

My idea and thoughts were, that when they would place this Double J catheter, they also would be able to remove the blockage.
Or at least, do something about it.

On that day, things had gone the same as before.
After reporting to the hospital, they brought me to the room.
There I could change into that special operating dress and wait for them to get me.

I thought I would still have 45 minutes to change and some time to relax.
But after 2 minutes they told me that they were already on their way to bring me down to the pre-operating room.

So I quickly changed.
I was finished just in time.

After that, I had to wait in the pre-operating room and from there they brought me to the operating room.
To my surprise, the doctor who would place the Double J catheter was the same as the one who had removed it 8-9 days ago.

After I was under full anesthesia, they placed the Double J catheter and after that, I was brought to the recovery room.
All was done within one hour I think.

Disappointed.

After that, I was brought back to the room and waited for the doctor to tell me how things had gone.
While I was having my hospital dinner, the doctor came.
He told me that the Double J catheter was placed and that they would re-schedule me for a new operation to remove the kidney stone.

It would be the same kind of operation as when they had “removed/crushed” the original kidney stone.

There went my “good mood”.
He could not tell me when this would take place, but they first wanted to wait for the result of a CT-Scan I would have a few days later.
Then they could see exactly where the stone is and how big it is.

Their first priority was to place the Double J catheter and “save” the kidney.

I think and hope that you can imagine that I was disappointed in hearing this.
Of course, I am thankful that they did what had to be done.
But my hope was also that they could do something about the new stone.
Or at least, I was hoping that when they placed the Double J catheter, that the stone would be crushed in the process.

Now it means that I need to go through the whole process again as of August 31.

Discouraged.

When you think about how many times I already had been in the hospital because of the kidney stone, you get a bit discouraged.
I know that the doctors are doing their best, but every time it is a blow to your spirit.

Also all my “Why” questions came back again.

During our last local Bible Study, someone already told me to not give up my fighting spirit.
And he is right.
As Christians, we know that the Lord is with us throughout our life.
And we trust Him to guide us through our troubles.

In that situation, it is nice to watch and listen to Pastor Rick Warren’s, “Defeating Discouragement“
In this video, he is talking about 7 secrets to defeat discouragement.

1. Never forget how much God loves me.
2. Never fake it. Be who you are.
3. Remember it’s not about me.
4. Relax in my limitations.
5. Using my pain to help others.
6. Take time for renewal.
7. Stay focused on eternity.

Never Forget How Much God Loves You.

God made you so He could love you.
No matter what you did or what you will do in the future, God will always love you.

As soon as you start questioning this or think that God doesn’t love you, you will get discouraged.

Never Fake It. Be Who You Are.

Be real.
Don’t pretend to be someone else.
Be the person whom God made you to be.
God did not make you to be somebody else.

Pretending to be someone else, gets tiring.
It cost you a lot of energy to keep up the mascarade.

Remember It’s Not About Me.

If you forget that it’s not about you, you will get either fearful, prideful, or bitter.
If you think it is all about you, you will get your feelings hurt quickly.
Your life message from God is not about you, it’s about Him.

For most of us, this is very difficult to understand.
Because everything around us and in this world is all focused on you.
God is more interested in why you do what you do than what you do.

Relax In My Limitations.

Why?
Because you will get discouraged when you try to be Superman/Superwomen.
You get discouraged when you try to do more than what is humanly possible.
You need to know and accept your limitations.

Using My Pain To Help Others.

Sometimes you will suffer for the benefit of others.
With the pain or things you are going through, you can help others.
You can show or tell them what you felt or how you had handled it.
It’s like this blog.

While writing about my health issues, I am processing the things that are going on.
But in the process, I hope that others will read about it and learn from it.
Or maybe see that they are not the only ones or alone in these situations.

Take Time For Renewal.

Take time to reflect, relax, recharge, rethink.
If you don’t do this, it will take longer to get out of discouragement.
Pastor Rick is saying that it is good to do this every day.

One way of doing this is by spending time with God.
Use your quiet time to “renew” yourself spiritually.
When you do this, you are changing your mind.
You will focus on other things.

Stay Focused On Eternity.

You cannot live for the here and now.
You need to look beyond the here and now.
It’s about perspective.
When we are discouraged, we lose our perspective.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 (NLT)
17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 
18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

This can be very difficult to do.
Because we have and see our trouble in the here and now.
But somehow, we need to learn to let it go and focus on eternity.

You Can’t Do This Alone.

The last remark he made was, that all these 7 points are easier when you do it with others.
If there are others, they can help and support you.
So be part of a small (support) group.

This way, everyone can share their problems and everyone can positively motivate you.

And What Now?

To be honest, at this moment I don’t know.
I had my CT-Scan on October 13
I got the result on October 21.

The “lump” was pushed back towards the kidney when they had placed the Double J catheter.
And according to the specialist, it is in a good position for the follow-up operation.
When this will take place, is not known and also depends on how things go with the pandemic.

It could be several weeks.
Luckily, I don’t have so much pain or discomfort.
For now, I will just keep on taking paracetamol.

In the meantime, I am using my time in a good way.
I was approached by an organization that is called “Harteraad”
They are looking for people that are using apps to keep track of their health and medication.

They had my name from a previous interview I had given and wanted to know if I was willing and interested to share my thoughts and experience.

A few days ago a photographer came to take some pictures that will go with the article.
And I had my interview, by telephone.
It was nice to give them a small view of my life and why and how I use an app to keep track of things.

For me, it also was one way to get over my disappointment and discouragement, knowing that with just a small article, I can help others.

Closing.

It was good for me, to watch and listen to that video of Pastor Rick Warren again and go through the 7 points.
It helped me to see my discouragement as something temporary.

And I know that it is temporary, but at that certain moment, you only can feel discouraged.
If I look at it, it was already the second time in a short period.
First when they had tried to remove the kidney stone but were not able to reach it.
And now again, now a new stone had formed again from the grit.

I am also sure, that this will not be the last time that I will be discouraged.
Life is full of setbacks and disappointments.
And maybe it is also a good thing.

Because when you get disappointed or discouraged, there is most of the time that “Why” question again.
But we already know that this question will not be answered until we meet the Lord.
So, asking the “Why” question is maybe useless, right now.

But look at it differently.
When we have a “Why” question, we pray to the Lord for an answer or guidance.
You can see the “Why” question also as a conversation started with God.
So I think it’s good that we have these “Why” questions.

That’s it for now.

I hope that you all take care and stay safe.
Please, follow the rules, guidelines, and advice of the government, so we can get this pandemic under control.
And don’t think you are invincible because we are not.
Don’t think only about YOU, but think about US.

God Bless