And Here We Go, Again.

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Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash

And Here We Go, Again

And here we go, again. Why me again? What is going on with me? Why my life is like this?

So many why and what questions again. It took me a while to get things straight, for myself, before I was able to write about it. As you may have read my previous posts, life is not easy for me. Every time something is going on. And things are hardly straightforward. Not predictable. Most of it is unexpected.

In my previous post, I mentioned that the month of May would be a busy month again. Several checkups and some new appointments. This went on until the beginning of June. Then things suddenly took a turn.

The Month of May

I had several checkups. I had to see my lung specialist. First an x-ray, then a personal meeting with her to discuss the results of the x-ray. This went well.

She had good news. The x-ray looked good. The lungs looked clear, only the membrane of the lung looked a little active, but this was normal. After all that had happened. She was not worried. So a new appointment was made near the end of the year. I only told her, that it looked like that my coughing was slowly coming back again. She advised me to keep an eye on it and if things got bad again, I could contact her again and see how to go forward from there.

So for now, that part could be closed.

The Pacemaker Check

It was also time for a check of my pacemaker. For me, everything felt okay. But you only can make sure that things are fine when they check the pacemaker itself. They can read all the data of the past months and see how it was.

They only saw one small episode. The heartbeat had gone up a little to more than 140 beats per minute, but this was only for two or three seconds. After that, things looked normal again. So that was nothing to worry about.

The battery was still good for a minimum of 1 year. Just in case, they also let me hear what kind of sound the pacemaker will make when the battery gets too low. It was some kind of sirene. They would also forward all the data to my cardiologist and see if there was any action needed.

A few days later, I had a telephone appointment with her. She told me that things looked okay and that the next checkup would be in six months. In case there was any change or if the pacemaker started making noise, then I could contact CMT. This is the group that is checking the pacemaker.

So that one was good also.

My Internist

In May, I also had one more PET CT scan again. And a blood check. The PET CT Scan was to check the swellings they had seen on the other scans. The scan went well.

The scan specialist and the internist, both compared all the previous scans with this new scan. The swellings were still there. But after talking to the different departments, they decided that things were in line with all that had happened in the past.

The swelling around the kidney was in line with the problems I had with the kidney stone and the removal. The swelling around the heart was in line with the operations I had on the heart. So, that part was also okay.

But in my blood test, he saw that my testosterone level was low. Just to make sure, he requested to do one more blood test. But this one had to be done very early in the morning. That would be the best to check the testosterone levels. So, I made a new appointment for a blood check, at 7:40 am.

After that, we had one more telephone appointment to talk about that result. It was still low. He advised me to use a gel. There were also injections, but the gel was the best thing for now. Just out of precaution, he also would like to do an echo of the testicles. Just to make sure things were okay.


At the beginning of June, I had an echo of the testicles. In the past I had an echo done of the heart, so I knew a little how this would work.

After the echo was made, the operator told me that she would check with the radiologist to see if the images were good and if they had enough information. This took several minutes before she came back again. She told me that she was done, for now. If I could wait in the waiting room. Then someone else would tell me if everything looked okay and if I could go home.

Okay. At that point, there was nothing strange. After waiting for a few minutes, a nurse called me. If I could follow her to a separate room. Okay? A bit strange but okay. Once in the room, she told me to sit down and she would give me the telephone. They had called my internist, who was in a different location at the moment, and he wanted to talk to me.

The internist told me, that on the echo they had seen a swelling on the left testicle. This swelling could be the cause of the low testosterone. But it also could be something else. He already had talked to a urologist. The advice was that I would see him as soon as possible. A swelling of the testicle also could point to something bad. Testicular cancer. So it was important that things were checked out very quickly.

The Uroloog

My internist told me that the urologist would call me later that day to make an appointment. But things could go rather quickly from here on. And indeed. Before I went back home, I already got a phone call to make an appointment for the next day.

The next day I went to that appointment. The urologist asked me so many questions and we talked about what they had seen on the echo. The thing is, that normally men would have pain on their testicles and then contact the urologist. But in my case, I did not have any pain, and this was discovered by accident. Only because out of precaution, the echo was made. She told me that they could see a swelling on the testicle. They could do a biopsy. Take a small piece of tissue and check it in the lab. But this was not really reliable. The only way to make sure what the cause of the swelling is, is to remove the whole testicle. Then in the lab, they could have a thorough check to see what it could be.

This also meant, that after the testicle was removed, my testosterone level would be really low. This also meant for me, that maybe I needed to use the gel for the rest of my life.

The removal of the testicle, they want to do is also as soon as possible. Just to make sure that things are done quickly, to prevent further problems. Especially if they found out that it could be cancerous.

The Operation

Before they would remove the testicle, they also wanted to check with the cardiologist because of my heart condition. Then they also would try to schedule an emergency operation that could maybe already took place next week.

And indeed. The removal of the testicle will take place on June 12. I need to report to the hospital at 8:00 am. When the operation will take place is not known. It depends on the space and time available. I am not allowed to eat anything anymore, 6 hours before I am in the hospital. I am only allowed to drink clear drinks. I just hope that it will not take place too late. Otherwise the whole day I will be very hungry. And maybe not really in a good mood.

After the operation, I need to stay there for one night. Just to make sure that everything is safe and okay. Then I can go home again.

What I have heard about the operation, is that they will make a small cut in the groins, and remove the testicle that way.

My Thoughts

After hearing the news after the echo, I had no idea what was going on again. My first thoughts were, why me again? When can I have a break? My worry is also, knowing from the past, that if something is wrong with me, it is bingo. Things very seldom are straightforward.

It took several days to let things sink in. And still, I cannot believe that this is happening to me. The only positive I can think of is that it is lucky that the echo was done and that they now discovered this.

And I hope and pray that once they have checked the testicle, that it is not cancerous. Okay, I have one testicle less, but should be okay. It should be okay to do all the normal things. What is does mean, one more medication added to my list.

I also started to think, what is going on with me? I know as it says in the bible, God has plans for me. But what could his plan be for me with this? No idea. Maybe only later on we can say that it had happened for this or that reason. But why so much suffering for me? So many health issues.


After this what could be next? I have heart problems, heart failure, kidney stone, reduced kidney function, lung infection, collapsed lung that is recovered (luckily), the two hemorrhages I had in 2013, and the hemianopia I have. And now the testicle problem.

I have no idea anymore what is going on with me. What are the things I could learn from this, or what can I teach others about all of this? I have no idea.

Very regularly I hear the remark from other people, that I am strong. That I don’t give up. That they admire my strength. Keep having faith.

I know all of this, but I have the feeling that very soon, it is finished. I don’t have the strength anymore, and that it is all getting too much. There is a limit to what people can bear, and I think that I am reaching my limit, soon.

For now, all that I can do is hope and pray. Pray that things will go according to the plan of the surgeon and that the result of the testicle check is positive. Meaning that it is not cancerous.

As always, please take care, and stay safe. God Bless.


4 thoughts on “And Here We Go, Again.

  1. we’ll be praying for you.
    Hopefully the doctors will be able to find a way to handle this new development.

    God bless!


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