An “off” moment.

My first post of 2020 and had a bit of an off moment.

I am part of a closed Facebook page.
This page is for people with the same heart problem as me.
I don’t post much on there but just read what others write.

I am a bit in a doubt about this page.
Sometimes there is a lot of negative posts or bad experience of others.
I was sometimes thinking of leaving the group and try to focus on some positive things.
But it is also nice to read the good things people experience.
And maybe now and then there is an interesting question and it is nice to see what others think of it.

During reading one post, I got my “off” moment.
Thinking back at my past and plans I had.
And relating to what the other was writing about.
At one point, one of the people who responded to it, mentions that it is a chronical illness that we have.

Chronical

Normally I don’t think about it.
But, now and then, I will be faced with the truth and it hits you.
(Again)

Sometimes it is days or weeks, that I don’t think about it.
Just go on with your life.
And then you read something and you think about it.

For some, a chronical illness is bad.
In my case, I think I am a little bit lucky.

There are 4 levels of heart failure.
Level 4 is the worst.
For me, it is level 2

Ok, there is the medication for it.
But it is only there to make it stable or improve it a bit.
Some call it “to improve the quality of life”

The medication I am using, it is new.
For some, it has a big improvement.
They are full of energy, their pump function of the heart had gone up.
Some even can reach almost the normal level again.

For me?
There was a slight improvement.
The energy comes and goes.
My heart pump function (EF) had gone from 15% to 20%
Only time will tell how it will go further.
You can maybe see it as part of a journey.

A word

Why do I call it a journey?
This is my word for the beginning of this year.

Let me explain.
Several years ago, someone in our church started a “new tradition”
During her prayer/quiet time, she had asked the Lord for a word.
Something she had to work on or what she could expect in the coming time.

She introduced this to the church members and since then most of us are asking for a word.
This can be like the word “Trust” or “Faith” etc.

During our first service of 2020, the one who was preaching mention this, as a reminder to all.
And he had used his word in his preaching.
“Blessed”

I thought it was a nice word and was, in my mind and silent prayer, asking what my word would be.
The word that came to me was the word “Journey”

In the days after, I was thinking about what this could mean.
Is it something that is still gone happen or am I already on it.
Is it spiritual or physical?
But sometimes you don’t think too much about it.
It will come to you when the time is there.

For me, I see it both ways.
On one side, for me, I am still on a spiritual journey.
Still growing and willing to learn more.
On the other side, my whole health situation is also a journey.
Especially for next month when they will remove my kidney stone.

For now, I focus on the end of this month.
At the end of January, I have my regular checkups again.
The pacemaker/ICD will be checked and I have my talk with the cardiologist.
Hopefully, I will hear then if the optimalisation echo had some positive effect or not.

Closing thought.

I want to end this, with a thought for you.
What is your word for the beginning of this year?
Just during your quiet or prayer time, just ask for your word.