The First Weeks of January
The first weeks of January are a fact. And so far, I have gone through it without any major problems.
As you had read all my posts, you would know, that normally the months of December and January are a bit dangerous for me. Several times I ended up in the hospital in these months. But so far, things have gone okay. Of course, I had visited the hospital, but it was mainly for some physio sessions or to see a specialist.
My Physio Sessions
On January 2, I already had to go to my first physio session of 2024, straight after the New Year celebrations. In the time between Christmas and New Year, we did not have any sessions. This first session was a little bit hard. I noticed that not doing any physio for a week, made it difficult again. It costs a lot of energy. I had to get used to it again. This was not only for me but also for the others in the group.
I would still have four sessions before it would be over for me. So far, to be honest, I was a little bit disappointed in the progress I was making. I was expecting more from it. I was expecting that things would be as normal as before I ended up in the hospital the year before. But it wasn’t.
January 12, I had my last session. For this session, they also will have a final talk with you to see how things went. Also before that, I had to fill in a questionnaire again. It had the same questions as before I would start the physio. This was to see if things had changed or if you were thinking or acting differently than before.
For me, there was a slight improvement. The score for depression was lower, so I had made some progress with that. Also, the score for social life or life in general had gone up a little bit. I told them about my feeling that the progress was less than what I expected. She told me that this was normal.
It was already the fourth time in 12-13 years I had this kind of physio. And there will be a time when the body will say “It is enough”. Also, my heart failure had do a step back and was now in Class III. Things would take more effort and time.
When you hear this, it hits a little bit. For me, I was thinking, that I need to start over again to accept my current situation and accept life as it is now. This is not easy. It took me some time to accept the things as they were before the hospital last year. And now I need to start all over again. Knowing that things did not improve but took a small step backwards.
My Social Worker
On January 24, I also will have a meeting again with my social worker. I have the feeling that maybe this also will be the last session. But I will see. I think it depends on whether, after the meeting, I feel the need to have one more session or not. I will just wait and see how this meeting will go.
I have some idea that she may also want to talk about the results of the last questionnaire I had filled in. And maybe we will talk about the thoughts I had when building my scale models. During our last meeting, I told her that I had some negative thoughts or perspectives on building my models. But this has changed since our last meeting. I am less critical of myself. Slowly I had changed my mind on this.
When I build my models, I do it for the joy. The fun and pleasure. I am not doing it to show off to others. I build my models the way I like them. Maybe it is not perfect, but that’s okay. I am not competing in a competition.
My First Meeting With the Internist
On January 8, I had my first meeting with the specialist in Internal Medicine. We talked about the results of the PET scan that was ordered last year by the long specialist. This was because she had seen something on the scan and advised me to see a different specialist for it. Because this was outside her area.
He informed me, that on the scan they had seen some activity around the kidney and heart. It was some kind of swelling. From the scan, they cannot say what it is. The only way to find out what it is is to take a small tissue and see what it is in the lab. They had two places where that swelling is. Around the right side of the heart and the left kidney.
They called it a puncture. To do this near the heart, was no option. So the other place would be to do it near the kidney. But this is also not without any risk. The risk of causing heavy bleeding is very high. Especially because I am using blood thinners. If they would do the puncture there, I would have to stop my medication for the blood thinners. Not something they were looking forward to.
Right now, we have decided to do nothing. I will have a new appointment in three months. Then they may want to do a new PET scan and see if the swelling is still there or if it has grown. In the case that it had shrunk, then that would be a good sign. If not, then we will talk about what the next step could be.
Also, two weeks before our meeting, I need to have a blood check. He wants to have a full blood scan to see if maybe there is still some kind of bacteria or other things in the blood that could tell what is going on.
My Own Physio Sessions
Now that my physio sessions are over, I need to do it myself. They advised me to still do something. Maybe some walking or looking for groups in my area that have some kind of activity.
I am not sure yet. But last week I made a small start for myself. My idea is that on Tuesday and Friday, I will do some small things myself. These are also the days I had the physio sessions, so I would stay in the flow a little.
Last week I did a small walk to the supermarket nearby. This was not easy. On the way back home, there is a small incline and a stair. After this, I felt that it already had cost me some energy. That is the disadvantage in our neighborhood. I cannot go to our house, without walking a stair or going over that small incline. But I did it anyway. Once at home, I did some exercises for my arms and legs. 45 seconds exercise, 45 seconds rest, 45 seconds for the second exercise. Then switch from an arm to a leg exercise and start over again.
This went okay. Now I need to find the discipline to keep this up. Walking outside is not ideal. Right now the weather is not that great, but we will see. Else maybe I will try to walk up and down the stairs a few times. Just to get the heart working. Maybe once the weather turns better, I will try to ride my bike again.
Now it is partly up to me. I need to find the discipline to keep on exercising at home. I could inform our health center to see if they have something, but I think I will first try it myself.
I also need to start over again by accepting my current life. This is not easy. Every time I think back to the time before my hospital visit last year. But I need to forget that. I need to learn to accept my current situation. I need to accept that it is not the same as before and that I need to slow down.
My social worker also advised me to take a rest after lunch. I need to plan my days. Maybe do one activity in the morning, have a rest, and maybe plan one activity in the afternoon. If I would not do this, then by the end of the day I would be out of energy. So after lunch, I am trying to just lay down for maybe 50 minutes. Most of the time I just fall asleep. A sign that my body needs the rest. I always set a timer, because else I will not be able to sleep at night.
We will see what the future will bring.
As always, please take care and stay safe. God Bless.