It’s December Again.

I just realized, “It’s December Again”. The month of December brings a lot of different emotions. It’s different for everyone. It can be a month of Joy, Family, but it also can be a month of loneliness, or sadness. We all experienced it. Right?

Just Planning For Christmas.

“It’s December Again“. Without really thinking about it, we were just doing our thing. Planning for the Christmas. It’s a happy time. Thinking about getting together with family and friends, to celebrate Christmas. Thinking of all the joy and happiness we will have together.

Of course, still in the back of your mind thinking about the current pandemic we are in. Making sure that we stick to the guidelines that are set by the government. But it is nice to just think about getting together again.

Instead of getting everyone together at one time, we spread it out over multiple days.

The part we were most looking forward to, is getting together with family. My mother is already 87 and doesn’t travel alone anymore. In the past years, she just came over and stayed with my sister who lives nearby. And then on Christmas, I would pick them up and celebrate Christmas at our place.

But for this year, we decided to visit her at her place. Already planning what to eat and what we would bring over. Just for lunch, the first day of Christmas. On the second day, we will stay at home and celebrate Christmas with my son and his girlfriend.

Suddenly It Hit Me.

“It’s December Again“. While relaxing, just going through some music. I thought maybe it would be a nice idea, to listen to some music while I am writing for my blog. I usually just write in silence. Late in the evening when everyone is almost sleeping and there is no disturbance. But for some reason, I wanted to try to see how it is with some music in the background.

I know that some people will get inspiration while listening. Or you also can get in a good mood for writing. So just giving it a try. You never know.

While listening on Deezer, going through some random numbers to make a nice playlist, suddenly there was a number that hit me. It made me feel very emotional. It brought me back to a memory. An event that later would change my and our lives. The music that was playing was “Believe” from Saga. And right after that came “If I Were You“, also from Saga.

I had listened to these two numbers while I was in the hospital for three months. From December 22, 2012, until March 16, 2013. No idea why I listen so much to these two numbers during that time. Maybe for a short time, it helped me to forget where I was. Maybe it was for a short time, to believe in me. Maybe it was for a short time, to not give up.

And now suddenly these two numbers showed up again and brought a small tear to my eyes. No idea why. I thought I was already over it and it would be out of my system.

And It Happens Again.

“It’s December Again“. A day later, I suddenly got a message from the hospital. It was the date and time to remove the leftover kidney stone. And it would take place on December 14.

After letting it sink in for a while, I suddenly realized that it was December again. A month that is not in my favor. It was December 2012 when I was admitted for three months. In December 2014, I spent three days in the hospital in The Philippines because of a kidney stone and kidney infection. In December 2018 or 2019, I had a fall and bruised some ribs. Now it is December 2020 and I need to go to the hospital again.

But I also must be honest, that not every December brings these things on me. All the other times, it was no problem. But it is just something that makes you think.

And The Kidney Stone?

December 14. I had to report to the hospital at 12:00. The operation would take place in the afternoon, so I had to stay overnight. Also to make sure that things were okay.

When I was back in the room again after the operation, I heard that the procedure was successful. They were able to get out some very small pieces of the stone. The rest was crushed to grit and dust. This has to come out the natural way. They also had placed a double J catheter again. This one will be removed after 6 weeks and then I also will have a CT scan to check if there is still something in the kidney. Or if everything is finally gone.

It’s Still Not Out of My System.

I shared a room with two other patients. We just talked a bit about why we were all there and also shared a bit about our medical histories. When I talked about what had happened in the past, it felt very strange. I found out that it is still difficult for me to talk about it. I felt a lump in my throat. I thought I was already over it. I had talked about it so many times. I had written about it, but it is still doing something to me.

Maybe it was also because of being in the hospital again, in December and talking about it, that brought back these things/feelings.

Closing.

Memories. We all have them. Some are nice and some bring us back to something we rather like to forget. But they are a part of us. It is a part of your life. We all hope that the nice memories will stay with us forever. But now and then, the not-so-nice once, will pop-up.

No matter how long ago things had happened, if it is something that had a big effect on you, you will never get it out of your system. You can talk about it, you can write about it, and maybe you will forget about it. But it is a memory that will stay with you.

One of these memories brought a small tear to my eyes. Not because of happiness but it reminded me of a dark period. A period of which I thought it was out of my system. But I realized that it’s not. And maybe it is good that it is still not out of my system. It made me feel thankful for what I still have.

I hope that despite this pandemic and the limitations we have, you will be able to create some nice and new memories during the coming Christmas celebrations.

For now, please take care and stay safe.

God Bless.

Note:
If you would like to know more about my dark period (three months in hospital), you can read my earlier post; “The Beginning“.