Is The Frustration Getting The Better of Me?
The title “Is The Frustration getting the better of me?”, is maybe a strange way to start but let me try to explain.
As you maybe noticed, it has been a short while since my last post. Not much has happened. My health is stable for now. At the end of July, I will have two checkups. It is time again for my pacemaker checkup but I think that things will be okay. And I also will have another kidney checkup again. We will see how that goes.
I am also trying to divide my writing on two places. Here on my blog and Medium. What I write here, does not always fit the style of Medium. Things like a journal or diary are not doing much on there. So I am scanning/checking some old posts from here, and see what will fit in the style of Medium.
So far no problem, but it is taking some time away from my blog. I am also searching and thinking of things to write on here, as there is not much to tell about my health. My plan of writing once or twice a month is not really holding up. But no worries, I will keep on posting here. I just need some ideas that will fit my blog.
And when I am not writing/blogging, I use the time to build parts of my plastic models. I am not in a hurry, but it is also a good distraction for my mind.
What Am I Trying To Do?
So far, no reason to get frustrated, right?
But I think, we all now and then have the thought that when we work or do something on the computer, that it is not really the way you would like it to be.
For example, on Medium, they have some statistics for each post that you publish. It is simple but you can see what is needed. Or not? The statistics that are shown per published item, are for that moment in time. It is not possible to check, what the statistics were for maybe one month ago.
So I had the idea that every last day of the month, I place the statistics in an Excel sheet. Then I can check each month what each item did. But it is not showing the difference between each month. For now, my numbers are not that high, so I can calculate them myself.
In Excel, I am not sure, how to design something to make it easier for me. So I thought I will use Notion for it. Notion is something like Excel, but it is a little bit more flexible. And still not the way I would like it. If I make the same kind of sheet, I need to enter the statistics 3 times per published item. And still, I cannot have the calculation that I would like to have.
Several times I had a look at it and several times I had some idea of redesigning it, but every time I am hitting a wall. In my mind, it looks okay, but to get it out of my mind and into reality, that seems impossible. No matter what I think of, or how to do it, it looks like it is not possible.
Another added thought is, that where ever I do it in or with, I want it to be possible to be used on my mobile device.
I am also thinking of maybe making my own program. So I doing some online courses to learn more.
During the course, things look okay and it is going the way I would like to see it go. Suddenly I get to a point, that I cannot get my head around it. No matter how many times I go over it, it doesn’t click with me.
Cannot Let It Go.
At this moment, I am also thinking of maybe using Microsoft Access. This can be used on a PC only, so for the time being, I hope it will do the thing I want to do. We will see how it goes with this online course.
Now and then, my thoughts go back to using Excel or Notion. And every time I will give it a go again. Every time a little bit different than before, but after a short time, I hit the wall again. Again, something I cannot comprehend. It doesn’t want to sink in.
And this is getting me frustrated. I have something in my mind and I am not able to get it out. Get it to work. Get the hang of it or understand it. I am having a hard time, in why I cannot understand it. Every time I fail or it doesn’t work, I will leave it. And as if I did not want to admit defeat, I am still going back to it. Giving it a go again. With so far, the same result.
Am I that hard-headed?
I am reaching the level of frustration, that it could turn into demotivation. Somehow, I don’t want to give up and admit defeat. Or accept that what I want, is not possible. (At this moment).
I know that in the past, I did not have so many problems with it. I was always the person from which people said, that no matter what, I always kept my cool. If it would not work, so be it. Maybe some other time, I would give it a go again and hope it would work then. For some reason, I am not like that anymore.
I Am Not Alone In This.
On Facebook, there is some kind of support group, with people that are having almost the same health issues as me. I am also a member of that. I don’t post so much on there, but I will read a lot of the posts and questions from others. And there is a returning theme.
People with heart failure have problems with keeping focused, losing concentration, not so sharp in thinking. It also is not helping, that I had the hemorrhage. Maybe this had damaged my field of vision, but it also affected my thinking.
When you read all those comments, there is a small reassurance. That it is not only you that is having this problem. But this doesn’t take away the frustration you feel. As I mentioned before, this can build up. At one point, it will do something. And slowly I am reaching that point.
In the beginning, okay, I had to get used to it, because it is “new” it is not doing much to you. Over time, this starts to eat on you on the inside. Sometimes you think that it is a small thing that gets you frustrated. That can make you even more frustrated because it is something “small” and “simple” but I am not able to solve/fix it.
The best thing that I can do, is to step away from it. Put it down, leave it alone. Try not to think about it and try to focus on something else.
But the strange thing is, that now and then, I still go back to it. Why? No idea. I just don’t want to give up?
One thing I also try is to focus on God. When I try to refocus, I pray for help and guidance. This is not always easy when you are frustrated.
As Christian, we know that we get to deal with things like this. You could see it as building character. It is not nice, but it is part of a bigger plan. We know or learn, to trust the Lord and have faith in Him. Maybe this is not the right time yet for it. First, we need to grow.
This is not always easy. Someone mentioned one time, that people are looking or expecting immediate results. It is our human nature. When we do or want something, we want it right away or immediate result Waiting is not our strongest side.
Is the frustration getting the better of me? To be very honest, Yes, slowly. Now and then I get frustrated. And this can build up. Especially if it is over the same thing, over and over again. And what can I do about it? Not much. I need to learn to accept it, learn that it can take time, learn to let go, learn to have faith and trust in the Lord.
The only thing I can do is pray and ask for help and guidance. The hard part is, that the help and/or answer maybe will not come immediately. It could take time. And we need also to accept that.
Who knows, maybe the solution comes from a completely unexpected direction when we least expect it. But first, we need to hang in there. Build character. Grow in knowledge, faith, trust, patience, and wisdom.
As always, I hope and pray that you will take care and stay safe.